Lessons I Learned from My Toddler: Self-Compassion Edition

Niki Pillitteri, RD, LDN
Feb 26
3 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

Written By: Niki Pillitteri, RDN, LDN

“The Power of Curiosity"

If toddlerhood could be summed up in one word, I don’t think I

would be the only parent to suggest the word curiosity. I instantly

think of the quintessential toddler innocently questioning “why?” to

every answer their parent is giving them until the parent ultimately

gives up because they don’t know the answer themselves. (Take

note of this parenting hack I stumbled upon a few years ago: ask the

toddler “Why do you think?”)

Toddlers are boundary testers to the Nth degree and for good reason

(even if it wears our patience down to the bone at times). They are

little humans exploring their surroundings trying to make sense of

the world they’ve been born into not so long ago. Like my son’s

recent “Why is water wet?” and “Why is the ground hard?” I think

toddlers can be wonderful reminders for us adults to slow down and

stay curious, especially when it comes to ourselves.

I think a lot of times (almost always?) we can get caught up with

judgement when we are questioning why we ourselves are doing

certain things or not doing other things as often as we’d like,

especially when discussing things that lead to mental or physical

feelings of distress in the body.

For example, one may question:

“Why do I keep ______?” There can certainly be benefit in

understanding our actions, though it is helpful and quite honestly

necessary to remove our judgement.

A way that I often invite us to question without judgement is reframing to use:

“I wonder why/what…” statements. For example, “I wonder why I keep______?”

-or-

“I wonder what purpose ______ is serving me right now?”

Sometimes just inserting in those few little words of wonder

and inviting in a little bit of toddler-like curiosity can offer a bit more compassion to guide us to understanding ourselves with less harshness.

In the words of our household-favorite Daniel Tiger, “When you wonder, you can try to find out more.”

Most folxs are inherently compassionate, but mostly toward others and usually less often towards themselves. They find themselves being their worst critic, and speaking to themselves in a way they would never even speak to their worst enemy. Self-compassion is turning that compassion you possess for others inwards. When we act in self-compassion, we are treating and speaking to ourselves in a way in which we would a good friend.

I would not be able to write a blog centered around compassion

without giving kudos to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-

compassion research. She offers a collection of various self-

compassion resources on her website, including a quiz you can take

to test how self-compassionate you are:

Self Compassion Quiz

She also offers a handful of different exercises that you can try out

as well to help access your inner self-compassionate voice. If you

are more of an audio learner, she has a wonderful TEDx Talk that

introduces the concept of self-compassion and its benefits that you

can access here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4

Some folxs fear that being kinder and more compassionate to themselves will not lead to improving things and give them permission to keep things status quo. But if you look at some of Neff’s research, you can familiarize yourself with what she’s actually discovered about folxs who practice more self-compassion.

They tend to have: