Happy, Grateful… and Missing My Old Body: A Body-Image and Perinatal Therapist’s Postpartum Reality

Rachael McLaughlin
Jan 2
6 min read

Written By: Rachael McLaughlin, LPC, PMH-C

I wasn’t prepared for how emotional putting on pants would be after having a baby — again. Not metaphorically — I mean the literal act of getting dressed in anything other than maternity leggings.

There was one morning not too long ago when I stood in front of my closet, holding a pair of my absolute favorite jeans that I hadn’t worn since pre-pregnancy. And, let’s be honest, it’s been five years since I was last postpartum. Five years since my first baby was born. Five years since I last attempted the “post-birth denim shuffle.” However, it was all too familiar.

This time, the baby was finally asleep, I’d had maybe five consecutive hours of rest (a miracle in both eras of motherhood), and I thought, Why not try? Maybe today’s the day.

Reader… today was not the day.

The jeans made it halfway up my thighs before my body said, “Absolutely not,” and honestly? That moment hit harder than I expected. Not because of the jeans themselves, but because of what they represented: a version of me I remembered so clearly from five years ago — and suddenly missed more than I expected.

Motherhood does that. It asks you to become a new version of yourself (sometimes more than once) while you’re still remembering the last one.

It’s wild, isn’t it? How you can be overflowing with love for your new baby and simultaneously be longing for even a small piece of your old life — your old energy, your old routines, your old body — and also the old version of you before motherhood/parenthood.

That’s the part that no one warned me about the first time, and somehow, it’s the part I forgot about the second time around. Not the sleep deprivation or the endless laundry — but the quiet identity shift that shows up in the most ordinary moments, like in a Target dressing room, when you're grabbing coffee, or while trying to find a shirt that doesn’t smell like spit-up.

And here’s the kicker: I’m a body-image therapist. Eating disorder specialist. And certified perinatal mental health therapist. This is literally the work I do with clients all day, every day. I talk about body respect, body trust, body neutrality, and why your worth isn’t tied to a tag size. I’ve said those words for years — and I deeply believe every single one of them. And still, postpartum body image is humbling in ways I still didn’t see coming. Maybe especially this time around, because I’m older, my responsibilities are more complex, and the version of myself I’m grieving isn’t just pre-baby me — it’s pre-motherhood me and the me in-between then and now. Because postpartum isn’t just about a changing body. It’s about a changing identity.

Practicing What I Preach (and How Hard That Really Is)

Body neutrality isn’t just a tool I offer clients — it’s a value I hold for myself. I believe that bodies are worthy at every size, shape, and stage. And even with that deep conviction, postpartum body image is hard. Some days, I feel grounded in the truth that my body is good. Other days, I catch my reflection and hear the whisper of “fix it.” The fact that I can do this work, believe it in my core, and still struggle is proof that postpartum body image challenges are not a personal weakness. They’re a reflection of the culture we live in — and the deeper roots planted long before pregnancy.

Many of us grew up absorbing messages that thinness equals worth, that smaller bodies deserve more love, that discipline equals success. Even when we spend years dismantling those beliefs, pregnancy and postpartum can awaken old value systems we thought we’d retired. Add the chaos of newborn life — sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, postpartum anxiety, mood swings, and a schedule you can’t control — and the desire to control something (like the size of your body) can feel almost magnetic.

It’s not a failure of conviction; it’s what happens when old neural pathways meet a culture obsessed with appearance and a life stage that feels both miraculous and unsteady.

Four Grounding Strategies for Postpartum Body Image

(Helpful for anyone experiencing body image concerns, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or simply the emotional load of new parenthood)

1. Wear Clothes That Fit Today

Put away anything that pinches, digs, or mocks you from the closet. This isn’t “giving up” — it’s choosing yourself right here, right now. It is choosing care.

Comfort is care, not surrender.

And here’s the secret no one tells you: once you start wearing clothes that truly fit your postpartum body, body image often magically improves. It isn’t completed solved, by any means, but it really does help. Instead of spending the day tugging at too-tight waistbands or unbuttoning jeans every time you sit down, you free up mental energy simply by being comfortable. You stand straighter. You move more easily. You can actually breathe. You know…the little things!

You will feel more like you, even if that means sizing up. The number on the tag doesn’t define you — but the comfort absolutely supports your mood, confidence, and mental health.

2. Challenge Body & Food Talk

Gently ask friends, family, or coworkers to avoid negative body comments and “good/bad food” language. Start with yourself, too — your inner dialogue sets the tone.

The more you refuse to engage in appearance-based chatter, the more space you create for conversations that actually matter — like maternal mental health, sleep deprivation, or the joy of that first baby giggle. It will also make you more aware of how often you are thinking and saying these comments yourself.

3. Curate Your Social Media Feed

Take a break from social media — or flood it with HAES-aligned accounts, postpartum bodies similar to yours, and voices that honor body diversity.

Unfollow anyone or anything that fuels comparison or makes you feel the need to shrink inside or “bounce back” after baby! Your scroll should support your nervous system, not spike it. And, even if you do those things, deleting those apps may be your best bet anyway!

Think of it as a tiny act of postpartum self-care that supports both your body image and your mental health.

4. Seek Professional Support for Maternal Mental Health

If your body image distress feels overwhelming, or if you simply don’t feel like yourself, professional help can make a world of difference.

Therapists who specialize in maternal mental health and body image — like the team at Beyond Therapy & Nutrition Center — can offer validation, coping tools, grounding practices, and hope.

Reach out if you notice signs of postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, such as:

Persistent sadness, tearfulness, or mood swings
Irritability, anger, or “postpartum rage”
Racing thoughts or excessive worry about your baby’s safety
Feeling empty, hopeless, or disconnected from your baby
Difficulty sleeping (even when the baby sleeps) or sleeping too much
Changes in appetite
Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
Feeling like you’re “not yourself”
Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

You do not need to wait until things feel “bad enough.” Remember: Support is care, not weakness.

Reaching out can help you navigate both postpartum body image challenges and the wider emotional landscape of early motherhood.

A Closing Reminder

You can love your baby and long for your old body and life. You can believe in body neutrality and still feel the sting of a changing shape. You can grieve what was while celebrating what is.

None of this makes you ungrateful. It makes you a beautiful, nuanced human being.

So here’s to pants that fit today, unfollow buttons, and the radical act of showing up for yourself — exactly as you are, right now.

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